I often wonder why it was so hard for me to tell the truth as a child. I would create fantastical stories about myself and my family. I would oversell what I could do and who I was and it cost me a lot.
But when I look back on my childhood, I realize that lies were a part of my upbringing. But it never became more apparent to me, just how much she lied, until I went away to school. She lied about me, my sisters, my dad, everyone. It was awful and made me as if my whole life was a fantasy. I had know footing because my ground was built from lies.
So, to help purge the lies, I offer
Lies My Narcisstic Mom Told About Me.
To Camp Counselors: ”Kristina is sexually aggressive and loose,” after I was fondled and sexually assaulted by a boy in summer camp while I was recovering from an illness in the infirmary. She was called. Was told. Made me say that it was a misunderstanding.
To a friend’s mother when I was in 8th grade “Kristina is a liar and a whore and mentally ill. You should not let your daughter be friends with her,” because I was 30 minutes late coming home from a 8th grade basketball game.
To the mothers of 3 friends when I was in 8th grade: ”Kristina is mentally disturbed and runs away all the time,” when I would show up at their homes because she would deadbolt the door when I was late (I travelled by train and two buses to and from school every day) by more than 5 minutes. She would also say this when she kicked me out and I went to someone’s house.
“Kristina cut school and had sex in my bed. She then threw the condoms on the outside window sill so that I could find them.” Um, this just doesn’t even make sense.
To the ER doctors when I was rushed there in 12th grade after suffering my 1st full-blown asthma attack. “She is faking because she wants attention. Either that or the drugs.” The doctor explained that there was now way to fake a 5% oxygen level (which she knew because she’s a RN), there were no sign of drugs, and that this was real. Did I mention that I was found in the bathtub, struggling to breathe? She had me transferred to another hospital at which point she says, “By the time we get there, she’ll stop,”
“Kristina got kicked out of SUNY-Albany because she was sleeping around and flunked out.” I had ONE boyfriend in my first two years of college and made Dean’s List the year I left. I left because she stopped paying it (she would tell me that she did and then I would get called out in Lecture Hall because they never received a check). And when I’d confront her she’d tell me she changed her mind. So, I was working two jobs and running up credit cards to pay for school. I left and went to community college and then to SUNY-Oneonta and got my MST from Fordham- with the help of my FIL!
“Kristina stole and cashed my Tax refund.” Um, I lived 4.5 hours away and DID NOT DRIVE or have a car of my own, but I managed to do this and was able to cash an IRS check without ID.
“Kristina can’t keep a job so I have to give her money for her bills.” She gave me rent money 1 time right after I was married but she offered it as a Christmas Gift. Stupidly I accepted.
To family and friends: “Kristina’s husband beats her and has a gambling problem. She asked me if she could take the baby and come live with me. I told her no!” My husband has NEVER laid a hand on me and has played poker 3 times in the last 10 years. And I would NEVER ask to live with her! EVER. She told this to people after she gave me the silent treatment for almost a year.
(To my Aunt whom I don’t see regularly): “Kristina was fired from her teaching job because she is mentally unstable and not good at it.” I took a leave of absence to start a web design business and to homeschool my daughter. I officially resigned and my Principal came to my sister’s wake and begged my mom and my husband to convince me to come back because I was such a good teacher.
To family members and family friends: “Andrew’s family hates her because she is Black and they save hurtful things to her.” Um, my mother-in-law demanded that I sit net to her at her husband’s funeral. My father-in-law, when he was alive, was like my own father and told me that he would be my dad now when my dad passed. Me SILs have me listed as their SISTER and not sister-in-law on their emergency contact form. My FIL gave me money for schol and bought most of my books. Did I mention that we lived with them for almost 3 years?
To my ex-Brother in Law: “Kristina is incapable fo taking care of her own daughter so she could never take her niece.” I was trying to get custody of my sister’s youngest daughter whose father (not exBIL) was absent after my sister died. I wanted her to stay in NY because her half-sister was here and they were very close. My mom then went behind my back and arranged for her to live with her Paternal Grandfather in NC.
There are many others, but these display the range and depth that she would go to make me look and feel badly. I no longer “cover” for her and I confront the lies straight on by telling other people that my mother is a NM and we have gone NC because she has tried to hurt me and my family.
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